tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8344404554106106230.post6907196256497559249..comments2023-04-11T02:44:33.901-07:00Comments on Scraps of Soul: Marriage Part III: For the Sake of the KidsAmanda Andersonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09403995202428454176noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8344404554106106230.post-35683863562927105252011-04-20T16:54:41.788-07:002011-04-20T16:54:41.788-07:00I'm not FOR divorce, or anything (and as you k...I'm not FOR divorce, or anything (and as you know, also come from a long line of blissful couples on both sides), but I do think that there's something to the your-parents-need-to-be-whole concern. A friend once told me that she tells her divorcing clients, "It's like being on an airplane. You have to be able to breathe or you can't put on someone else's oxygen mask."<br /><br />So there's that. <br /><br />But also, I would say, if a couple DOES have to separate, they can make sure that their family stories are still solid. They can still have stories about having been in love...they can still tell caring stories about their ex--even recent ones. They can even encourage their children to learn from their missteps (not calling them "mistakes"). They can support their child in their love of the co-parent.<br /> <br />I guess that makes me a supporter--if not exactly a proponent--of the phenomenon of collaborative divorce: people who are able to work together to make sure that their family functions, even apart. I think that takes a lot of courage.Kelleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04500822830099666376noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8344404554106106230.post-58137334641727657612011-03-22T21:02:47.460-07:002011-03-22T21:02:47.460-07:00Love, love, love this post, Amanda. One of your be...Love, love, love this post, Amanda. One of your best.Judy Princehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04690506011800896845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8344404554106106230.post-51389893699273294642011-03-22T19:50:06.245-07:002011-03-22T19:50:06.245-07:00Hello, dear Amanda!
Loved this! As a teacher of ...Hello, dear Amanda!<br /><br />Loved this! As a teacher of nearly 20 years, I can tell you the cost of divorce to children is enormous. These poor kids have difficulty with focus, organization (try living "part-time" in two households which frequently have a revolving door for the latest boyfriend/girlfriend. I had one mom, who had just told me she and her husband were divorcing actually say to me, "I don't want my girls seeing me unhappy." I wanted to scream at her, "Do you think they give a fig about whether or not YOUR happy????" Children just want their mommy and daddy together, because children are very self-centered. They could not care less about mommy's happiness! I'm not talking about abusive marriages. This gal was just bored with her husband - and she had another guy waiting in the wings! <br /><br />You are so right that children LOVE hearing stories about their family - and truly using them is such a great way to impart values - to help them learn from your mistakes and from your successes.<br /><br />Love you!Sallyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17388151194746156947noreply@blogger.com